INTENT:
To me, the purpose of these writings is not to tell a story, but to instead encourage one. The endless search for meaning does not need to be all bad, sometimes it can be harnassed for good. Each paragraph below, its own window for you to look in.
Unapologetic kindness seeps in There are many of me, there are many of you Which is the right me, which is the right you? Flies swarm error and opportunity Rust reveals itself behind the paint -------- The gentle transit of lines across the room Things slowly emptying and refilling I wish to be enamored by everything you do Light wafts in and out of view So many pleasant distractions around you -------- Indiscernable interest What are you after anyway? I will tuck you into the fog to rest A comforter with whisped edges Stepping out of frame in a rite of passage -------- A shower beer I didnt ask for A temporary disease I found fear I wasnt meant to have Something died for it, at least for a time The big sky didnt feel like home for a while after that -------- Precision, minute, movement by movement Intent, the knife moves easily Skin peeled back Why is there no blood? There should be blood, right? -------- The cicadas imbue the air Peaks tufted in the distance dominate Dirt crawls on the stairs Cables with no ends cling to the parent Sweat beads even on the buildings -------- Unfair negotiations A little lie to delay the inevitable Five more years would have been nice Im not sure I am who you think I am Or am I? -------- We sit in silent communication The paths fork and undulate You have a house here now I am proud of you, I am envious of you Please dont go there, though I feel you already know -------- Already the trees vanish away in dance We so faithful coded merely to watch A dim stale light, it burns to the touch I will melt before I give in The arch hums softly, cooly -------- Five down, two to go now After two is always groggy, not quite there Before two is enveloped in warmth After two its dim, sweaty, inhuman Is this normal? Am I a human yet? -------- I have fear held Hours, days, weeks, months, years Life is good, I know this I know you all, fondly All i can do is be brave, and continue on -------- Look man, just use that piece ok? But its not the right one, also it looks damaged Its fine, don't think about it, we have to get this out If you say so, but I don't think they will be happy It doesn't matter, its not ours anyway -------- Primal fear, ancient urge, I feel nothing Purely performative, truly, I'm not even there Gotta throw those old worn out shoes sometime They smell alright and don't let water in That's very kind of them, kinder than me -------- Sharp features, jagged eyes I dont mind the heat honestly Let me get the door for you The stones make a strange sound When the ocean finally recedes -------- The river flows backwards now Oceans emptied, dried under personal mirage Her lungs exhale crushing chests A formidable warmth in the rain The leaves turned regardless -------- A festering, slimy amorphous pile exists I used to eat it, take it in fully Now no longer can I stomach the taste, the stench I cannot let go of it still, cradled in my arms Stuck to my skin, burning its way in on its own terms -------- Doors after doors after doors Many are closed, few are open Cracks of light paint the floor from underneath A deep fear closing a door, slowly handle turned Desire for no sound, no trace, no one else is here -------- Eye contact was difficult, the scene too intimate Carefully calculated by circumstance The formula hidden in plain sight The devious bastard mathematician ethereal Proofing to me in great detail that I was the unknown variable -------- And who do you think you want me to be exactly? I think I've lost the plot And I'm pretty sure the uber left already Like a fine sandpaper on my skin I've never been ready for this -------- Brick by brick, pixel by pixel They form around us, bending our emotions to their will Every detail calculated, many details missed Like a lone clarinet out of tune in a symphony You are here, I am here, and I am thankful -------- Their facial expression twitched A story unfolding in real time behind closed doors The desire to join in that quest is strong Only to find the last roll left to fill is the villain Why does every story need a villain? -------- A thick film pours over the eyes Details crisp, big picture obscured Oxygen is low here, breaths deep Its coming, oh god, ive seen this before As we know it, no more -------- Tiny compartments move about the space The light filters in, muted, grainy, static There wasn't a before or an after From what could be remembered at least The body shifts but nothing changes -------- Truth be told, I dont actually want a cigarette Well I do, but the nicotine craving pales in comparison The tight calculated inhales waxed by circumstance The gentle bickering banter of friends, the din of places Each breath took in life, and it was truly addicting -------- The table carefully holds what it needs to Dignified it locks the elevated pieces in plain view Every component thought out, capable of collective beauty Intricate in their own assembly I wonder if the table too hopes we have all the pieces still -------- Reflective surfaces, opera halls tuned for an audience An audience on stage, what makes them cheer? Their applause, their cries, their boos Rebound unto them in harmonic resonance I am not even in the equation it seems -------- Through laboured gasps occasional motions made to reach behind Somewhere around the neck its said A small metal clasp holding everything together It's much harder to breathe with this thing on The fucking clasp is fucking stuck -------- Slow, crisp autumn morning foraging The earth breathes in audibly along the path Each stone overturned leaving no secrets Some show nothing, others monsters I was not prepared to find myself under one of them -------- It's been months, years even The vines grow into the brickwork The loudest sound in the god damned world Unbelievable how real this is Unfathomable how real I am -------- The famished crave certainty It can't be trusted, an enemy housed within the ranks Carefully changing plans, trajectories, outcomes I dont know who or what its working for Or worse yet, if its operating for itself alone -------- The sensors are down The fuses are blown The control center is abandoned The points has been made The outcome is, as always, undesirable -------- Short term loss, long term strides The globe spins backwards i think No one importance, no one goal It'll come for you too, just you wait Just you fucking wait -------- It moves awkwardly about the space Disassembling, deconstructing, destroying To cast your gaze upon it turns itself to you I wonder why its allowed in, day in and day out I have only to look at all of the new things made from the pieces -------- The linchpin isn't to spec The foreman lost the blueprints The work continued unfettered It looks incredible, better than we could have imagined A shopkeeper sleepily sweeps the sidewalks in Yamanashi -------- Its not here anymore I know where it went It took a long time to figure that out So long in fact that I am it now Though despite that, I still need it too -------- Can I lie to myself for a little while longer? Phasing in and out like static at 4am Dead channels, dead moments, dead me Enigmatic delusions, cracks in the foundation Im scheduled for demolition tomorrow apparently -------- Their body sat still, eyes glazed over Skin and muscle slid from bone onto the stone floor I think it was slate as the blood permeated the cracks Decomposing in quiet protest, tired of waiting Nothing didn't feel so scary anymore -------- A new place a new place a new place Old friends old acquaintances old friends The mapping table shows significant wear 300 firm, i know what i’ve got I didn't even think about my bed, not once -------- Moving shapes, shifting targets Eyes on the prize, wherever it went Not today, maybe tomorrow, maybe never Its all over the floor, I wasn't looking I really wasn't looking -------- Discourse enters, response exits Premeditated, or unscripted, whatever Its funny though, hilarious even It was all planned from the beginning You are alone in this unfortunately -------- It echoes here, not without great difficulty A knife in the cut grass Dulled to mediocrity, the sweat beads Litter in the perfect picture Panic has fully set in -------- You put me down somewhere Left me there probably for good I don't remember where that is anymore I dont think im still there either At least I hope not -------- Heavy static clings to the air While undulating splotches blurring vision “Sorry, can you repeat that?” Desire to rend machine limb from limb An innocent little fucking bastard -------- Bleed lines around the foil markers Hazy miniscule details grind to stone Pick them up and put them down Lift them up and place them gently Thinning into nothing, a vanishing point revealed -------- Where was death when it arrived? So many little voices, so many little gestures Surely this cant be real Surely i am in the wrong place, wrong time A gentle little lie death is -------- Where have they gone? Little circuits move about the cabin Cold surfaces, foreign faces Small tantrums collectively unaware Absent morbid curiosity -------- It's a little to the right No, now it's a little to the left Where did it go now? I could have sworn it was here I could have sworn I was here -------- Seawater fills my eyes Tender letdowns, the power flickers Its welcome home in my ears I am deaf to my dreams Further we move, transparent in the waves -------- Do I choose to burden you? You have so much going on, too much It wasn't always like this But i didnt burden you back then either I fear its too late to start now -------- Easily forgotten, easily reminded Doted on, unaware of the operation Special cases, standard procedure Complexity unnoticed, the sand pours in The machine persists -------- One word after another Or was it before that one Sediment gathers at the bend in the curb Rain swirls but does not dissipate The wood will rot someday -------- I am the continuous damp I am the uneasy quiet at night I am the tension in the unknown I am the fortune in the unwanted I was outside of it all for a brief moment -------- A small mission Marching one by one through the doorway The gravel tastes strange here Nobody is around Nobody -------- The ghost of the former Everything in waves Ocean of uncertainty and harm All the impatience, all the noise I don't deserve this but then again, neither do you -------- Dirty broken ashtray Soft shadows of the trees on brick A hockey stick attached to a garbage truck Words of affirmation to friends A fly wandering into my coffee for a swim -------- The pestering damp encroaches Static clings to the air immutable Movement through form binded I am transparent, shapes form within me I was never there, I am always there -------- A lance spears a moss clump The moss explores up the lance Light is plentiful here The lance isn't happy but it allows its advance One day it will soar